Love Is | My heart is for feeling


Issue no. 2: matters of the heart
WORDS - ana veras | collage - rae farine


Love Is

They say that time heals all.
I say it's love.
See, time is a buffer.
It has been almost a year since you left.
Sometimes, a reminder.
Next month we would have spent our 6th New Year's together.
Sometimes, a blind spot.
It has been almost a year since you left.

The minutes didn't put me back together.
The seconds didn't tend to the wounds.
The hours didn't hold me during my meltdowns.
The days didn't wipe away my tears.
Love did that.

Love was quitting my job because I hated it.
Love was buying myself a plane ticket to travel alone.
Love was exercising and doing yoga.
Love was staying in bed and being okay with it.
Love was eating healthier.
Love was candlelit bubble baths and chocolate.
Love was meeting new people.
Love was seeing my girlfriends.
Love was spending more time with my mother.
Love was crying.
Love was forgiving you.
Love was forgiving me.

See, love healed me.
Time cannot heal a broken heart.
The heart does not comprehend time.
It only knows love.
Time has limits and is ever fleeting.
Love is limitless and ever present.
Love is my reflection in the mirror.
Love is healing.

My heart is for feeling


My heart is for feeling.

There are nerve endings throughout my body.
But, my heart has a way of feeling things outside of my body.
It feels my partner's gaze when my eyes are somewhere else.
It feels a hard day’s work in my mother's food.
It feels my brother's anticipation as he is about to cross the graduation stage.
It feels my nephew's excitement as he swims in the ocean for the first time.
It feels my best friend's tears when she catches her lover in another lie.
It feels my father's regret when I refuse to answer his calls.
It feels my godfather's convenient forgetfulness when he sees me with my mother.
It also feels his stare whenever I'm not.
It feels the gratitude of strangers whenever I help them. It feels the scorn of men whose advances I deny.
It feels the weight of the world.
It feels the electricity of my city.
My heart feels the night sky full of stars.

My heart is for feeling everything outside of me, even when there is nothing inside to feel.