Period Sex Perspectives: A Conversation on Navigating Sex + Dating, by Bri Reddick

Illustration by Cat Willett

Interview by Bri Reddick

It comes as no surprise that period blood is not a sight many want to see. While understandably many are avoidant of blood altogether, it is worth interrogating why half of the human population is menstruating and must do so outside of the public eye. Whether that means hiding your tampon in your sleeve while walking to the bathroom or avoiding sex on your period; why is it that non-menstruating people refuse to see anything that relates to our bleeding?  

While many may not actively participate in period shame, we live and participate in a society that erases the experience of menstruation - and this inaction has real implications for menstruators, especially those that are close to the margins. The lack of menstrual education can impact accessibility to hygiene products, increased vulnerability to infections, and high absence rates from menstruators in school. Even the euphemisms we use to describe our periods (a mess, the curse, etc) feeds the stigma that negatively impacts real menstruators' lives, particularly their most intimate parts of it. 

I wanted to explore the intersection of sex and menstruation with three people who menstruate and are navigating their early 20’s and dating. How do your period habits change when it's no longer an invisible reality but one that others can see and must experience with you? 

Bri Reddick: Do you have sex on your period? And if so with whom? 

Angela: I have only had oral sex on my period with a long term partner that I felt comfortable with. When I am casually dating, I'm still trying to present the best person of myself and sadly  that doesn't include menstruation. But with my boyfriend, we were past that level of performativity. I think I would be pretty self conscious to have sex on my period with someone who is just a casual partner. I would have to trust that in the end they wouldn’t make me feel bad about it.

Billie: Yes. The first time I had sex on my period was with the same guy that I lost my virginity to. After googling it to see if it was okay, he laid the towel down and we just did it! But to be frank, if I am hooking up with a guy and I am near the end of my period, I will still have sex but probably shower right before. If he does see blood, I would act surprised and feed his ego a little bit to make him feel more comfortable in the situation. 

Maya: I don’t really on the first few days of my period,  because I have really bad cramps. If I do it is usually the last couple days. I remember the first time I hooked up with a girl on my period. I had a tampon in and she literally pulled it out of my vagina. She didn’t care. But now being in a relationship, I am more comfortable with period sex. There’s a lot of respect for the other person and how they are feeling on their period. When we bleed, we are going through a cycle of cleansing our body, and it's really intimate and personal to share with another woman. 

BR: How do you have period sex?

Angela: In my one experience with it, he didn’t even put a towel down: he just went at it!

Billie: Usually we just put a towel down and have sex without a condom. 

Maya: Sometimes with a tampon in or after I shower. But I have had tampons taken out by sexual partners before. 

BR: What reservations do you have about period sex? 

Angela: I am not necessarily self conscious about myself but rather how the person I’m with will perceive my period. Because all my partners don't menstruate, I assume they are uneducated about it. This makes me feel more vulnerable and influences how open I am. I question if they will feel grossed out, turned-off or uncomfortable.

Billie: Yes. For me it’s the smell, physically seeing it, and then of course I don't get head so now the foreplay is off. My partner is very understanding, but because of the way I feel about him, I do think to myself, “omg, I hope he doesn’t think I’m gross.” 

Maya:  Maybe during my first time because I didn't know what to expect but not really anymore. I feel comfortable saying no with my partner and that she will understand. As women, we both experience the same thing, so I don't have to explain myself. My feelings are inherently familiar to her. 

BR: Does your period affect your perception of your own desirability? 

Angela: I don’t think I am being perceived as less sexy, but I am just not as interested in sex. The biggest thing for me is whether or not I am going to bleed through my clothes. I think it’s also because my biggest symptom is cramps, so I’m in pain and may not be in the mood for sex. 

Billie: Yeah, because physically I am super attracted to my boyfriend but when I’m on my period I just don’t feel attractive at all. I'm bloated, have acne all over my face, I’m shitting all the time, my period panties have stains on them, there's rolled up pads stuck to the bottom of the trash can and it’s just not sexy! 

Maya: At times. During the first couple days of my period I don’t feel like a sexual being, I feel like my body is purging itself - so in those times I don't see myself as desirable but that's mostly because of my symptoms. 

BR: Do you like anything about period sex?

Angela: In my experience it didn't feel any different than regular oral sex, but I liked that my partner didn't care. It was more intimate because I felt like he was so into me that it didn’t matter that I was bleeding. I felt more exposed, but that built a level of trust between us. 

Billie: To me it feels great! My senses are heightened like a vampire. But I think for my partner he doesn't enjoy it as much as I do. I think he can feel the difference in blood versus natural lubricant.

Maya: Period sex has definitely brought me closer to my partner in our relationship. It's beautiful because we are both experiencing our periods and navigating how we feel together.